Sandwich Boy Dispenses Parenting Advice

The other day I went to Breugger's on my way to Carrie K.'s for a visit. I had Lily with me in her car seat (also known as the torture device that kills my back and lengthens my arms to orangutan-like proportions). So Mr. Chatty Sandwich Boy (manager, I could just tell) asks me how old Baby is, and when I tell him he says she should be sleeping thru the night now. Ok, Dr.Spock, I'll go with that. I tell him she is starting to, yes. Then he says with his first (child), they kept him up until midnight at 3 weeks old so he would sleep until 4am, which he seemed to think counted as sleeping thru the night. I didn't want spit in my sandwich, so I didn't point out how stupid this was, but just smiled and said "Mmmm."

Then he went on, "My advice: no nook." Well, I felt it necessary to tell him that she (Lily--he never asked her name, guess he didn't need any personal information for his one-size-fits-all advice) needed a nook (this is a pacifier, for those who don't know) to learn to suck because she was a preemie and they gave her one in the hospital (you know, where doctors and nurses and other qualified medical personnel work?). So he glosses right over that and says, "Then my advice: At one year, no nook. The first few days are hard, but it's worth it." Again, I wanted my my food in an edible state, so I smiled and nodded.

But what the hell? It galled me, the way he kept saying "My Advice:" not as a question or even a recommendation that he'd heard from several other parents as a workable solution for something I asked about. Just "My Advice:" And, hey, I mean, this is not a fair situation. I am a captive audience at the mercy of the service he is giving me (well, that I am paying for), so I'm not going to have a real conversation with him and tell him what I really think. So he gets to listen to me tacitly agree with him, which strokes his authoritarian ego, which makes me ill. Someone needs to tell him to shut up. If I was having a real conversation with him, I would tell him I totally disagree with his Nazi parenting style, and that there are good reasons for pacifiers. And I wanted to ask, "Taking the pacifier away is worth what?" Why must you deprive your child of his little happy comfort device? I mean, I know there are medical reasons to stop using a pacifier--orthodontics, etc,--but there are also good reasons for using them. But he didn't care about my particular situation, about me personally, which is what he was no doubt trying to come across as, a friendly caring service person. But it backfired. Instead he showed himself to be not thoughtful, a bad listener, and someone who thought he was always right. Gee, I don't want to know you. Just give me my damn sandwich.

And what is it with people giving out unsolicited parenting advice? Just like when I was trying to get pregnant, just like when I was pregnant, they all had the answers. I guess it's an insecurity people have, and they think if they've found a solution to their particular problem, they must spread the word, evangelize. But having experienced several medical mysteries in my life, including unexplained infertility and migraines, I know one size rarely fits all, and I get very cranky when people insist they know the answer, if I would just listen to them. And it annoys me even more in a sandwich boy situation, where I can't say what I really think (even politely), beause I risk that service person taking my dissent as an affront and messing with the service they're giving me.

There's an NPR show called Wait Wait Don't Tell Me in which they have a segment that plays upon this situation, just for fun. It's called "Not My Job," in which guests are intentionally asked questions way out of their field. I think it's humbling for the guests, and a reminder to listeners that you can't know everything. So shut up and listen more. At least that's my take on it. And I have a headache right now so I'm probably overanalyzing this because I'm cranky. But I'm still right. So there.