The Last Poop

Oh, what a fiasco! The poop sampling, I mean. The last one was just a keystone cops of poop, I tell you.

First, I had "help." From Lily, that is. Somehow I'd managed the other samples while she was busy with Daddy or out of the house. Not this time. And was she ever curious. "Let me see your poop!" Well, what are you gonna say? I mean, I see her poop all the time. And she's proud of it, lately, because she's pooping in her little potty. She'll close the door and you have to wait outside, then she'll bring her potty to you--"Look at the poop I made!" It seemed cruel to tell her that adults really don't get that excited about poop.

Second, I'm valiantly attempting not to thwart my child's curiosity, or warp her idea of poop, when I hear the little hat fall into the toilet. You know what I mean, right? The little hat they give you to go into that hangs under the toilet seat but over the water? Yeah, well, it fell in. Super. So I'm trying to retreive it without it falling all the way in and submerging, rendering my sample inadmissible. I manage to save some of it, so I set it aside.

Third. I flush the rest of the crap, and the toilet overflows. Son of a ! The water is rising and I'm trying frantically to shut off the valve and I can't remember which way to turn the knob! I know it's righty tighty, lefty loosy, but is it righty offy, lefty onny, or vice versa?! I somehow manage to cut it off before it gets to the top. I get the plunger, which turns out to be a floppy piece of crap that turns inside out with each push, and Lily is meanwhile asking what I'm doing and why, and my patience is being severely tested. Then I hear Nora arrive downstairs. Oh, joy, let's have a poop party where everyone in the neighborhood gets to see Mommy's poop!! I send Lily downstairs to intercept Nora, but of course Lily brings her upstairs to see this fascinating event!

I tell her "You don't want to come in here" and leave it at that, and luckily she is able to get Lily to go downstairs to play, instead of staying to watch Mommy play with her poop.

Stool Sample

This is the most disgusting thing I've ever had to do. And here's the thing: it's not Lily's poop I have to collect. If it was, I wouldn't blink. It would be fine. But it's mine! And that grosses me out in a way that would never gross me out if it was Lily's. And that has really made me think. I mean, what the heck? Shouldn't it be easier to do mine? No, it isn't. I am intimate with my child's bodily machinations and products in a way that I'm really not with my own. Do I know her body better than my own? Is that strange?

I have some kind of something going on in my gastro thingies. Every time I eat I get horrible stomach cramps and then gas. It's awful. It started over the weekend of July 4th and I had diarrhea and I thought I was gonna die from the cramping. Then the nausea. I ended up going into the ER on the 4th, after not eating for 2 days and getting no sleep for that time either. It was crazy! They couldn't figure it out. I had to have morphine to calm me down from the pain so I could finally rest.

Lily and John went up on the roof of the parking structure at the hospital to see the fireworks while Mommy got her morphine. Hey, we know how to make the best of a bad situation. And she was so good.

So this stool sample thing. I went to the doctor today because after two weeks, I'm still having these cramps and gas, and they wanted all my bodily fluids. I had to take Lily in the bathroom with me to do the pee sample, and I swear, I wouldn't be surprised if she becomes a doctor. She's getting very comfortable with how bodies work. She doesn't flinch when they take her blood at the doctor's, and she was fascinated watching me get my blood taken. She doesn't want to poop in her potty yet (just pee), but she'll tell you she's hiding now (really she's just standing in one spot) because she's making a poop.

The nurse gave me the stool sample pack, and explained how to use the little hat that you put in the toilet to catch your poop. Oh, but there's more. I think it used to be that you just put your poop in a jar or something and brought it in. Not anymore! Now, to save costs, you get to be a lab tech at home! There's two vials of chemicals for each poop you collect, and you gotta scoop it in up to a line on the bottle, then MIX it with the built-in spoon on the lid (kind of like the bubbles you buy at the store, with the bubble wand built in to the lid!), and finally, shake it like some obscene cocktail.

Eeeech!! I am not sharing this process with Lily, lest you worry. Why the hell am I sharing it with you? Well, it's just so gross I had to tell somebody. I mean, I have to mix my poop?? If I wasn't nauseated already, I would be from doing this. It just feels wrong, somehow. Like I should be hiding it. If it was my job to mix poop, that would be different.

Anyway, I just couldn't help but notice how different it was for me to deal with my own poop in contrast to Lily's poop. Mine felt dirtier. Why?

Okay, hopefully you aren't all thinking I'm a crazy person. I am sick right now, so that should count for something. When you're sick with some mystery crap (in this case, literally), you get tired of having to do all these weird tests.

Girl in Raspberry Forest

Here's Lily picking raspberries in our backyard. The branches are 6 feet tall.

Wheels!

Here's our little driver on a weekend morning. Cycling in her jammies! She doesn't mind wearing the helmet, either, which is nice. Probably because she's used to it from riding with it when she rides with Daddy.

She's getting to where she'll ride it to the park, about 4 blocks. It makes her feel really good, and it's fun to see her pedaling really hard to get over the bumps, and just go fast. Of course, pedaling home is excruciatingly slow, as you might expect. It makes Mommy and Daddy a little crazy. Especially when she poops out and you have to carry her AND the tricycle. But still.

"said a little voice"

When Lily was playing with her cars today, one car was looking for another one, and she sort of narrated the missing car's dialogue. She said:

" 'I'm in here,' said a little voice."

It was so funny, both John and I were laughing. And hey, that's some complex thinking. My smartie.

We went to the Maul of 'Merica today cuz it was too dang hot to be outside and besides, I wanted to get her some Lego duplos (the toddler size Legos). She found a set that had vehicles from her favorite movie, Cars, and we've been playing with it for hours now at home tonight. It was a $50 set, but I don't get that many new toys (most come from the thrift store) so I figured I'd splurge. She loooooooooooves this set, so I'm happy.

I have been really sick lately so haven't been posting much. It's hard when I feel too crappy to play, so I'm super happy when I feel good and can play with her.

We went to the Nickelodeon Universe amusement park in the middle of the Maul and went on some rides. We're not into Nick so we don't know all the characters and I resent them because they replaced Camp Snoopy. I mean, The Kite-Eating Tree will always be The Kite-Eating Tree. I don't care if they paint it to be the Backyardigans Swing-Along. It's still The Kite-Eating Tree. So there.

But we had fun on the rides. Lily is just a smidge away (okay, an inch) from the first big cutoff for rides at 39". So we went on the Merry-Go-Round, a pint-sized roller coaster, a car on a crazy track that whipped us around the corners, a nice train that didn't do anything crazy, and this funny little bus that goes up and down on a big hydraulic lift. Lily had fun, and I had a lot of fun, too. I was screaming just to be silly, and then on the bus ride, when it stops at the top before changing direction, I was like "Oh no, we're stuck!" and the kids in front of me turned around and looked very worried for a second or two. It's fun to ham it up when you're a Mom. Kids are not the only ones who can ham it up!

It's probably a good thing we couldn't go on any big rides yet, I'd probably yak and that would be the end of our fun.

Spooky

The other day we were all in the park, playing and walking around through the trees. Lily was standing next to me and J. had gone to get something. Lily, tapping her finger to her lips, said, "I'm trying to think of something." Then she looked over at J. walking towards us, and said, "I wish Dad could use his wings to fly."

Poetry. It's beautiful, listening to her put words together to make fascinating sentences. And yet, it also spooked me a bit. It's probably just me being superstitious, but I felt like she was talking about J. like he was an angel, like, as in, dead. Eek! It gave me a little shiver.

A Poke in the Eye With a Stick

Yes, that actually is what happened today. Lily was playing with another girl from her ECFE class at a picnic after our last session for this class, and the girl took a stick from Lily's hand and stuck it in her face and before I could jump in to stop her, she had poked Lily in the eye.

Her eye looked fine but she was covering it right afterwards and then a few minutes later she was rubbing it, so I took her in to the ER at Children's Hospital just to be safe. I have scratched my cornea before and it was very painful.

Luckily Lily was excited to go see her doctor. I was very calm and told her we were just going to go see the doctor to make sure her eye was okay, and I tried to make it a normal event, instead of a panicked one.

They checked both eyes, since I told them that she had gotten sand in her eyes a little while before the stick incident, and she was soooooo good letting three different docs and nurses look in her eye with a flashlight. She held still and did exactly what they asked her to do (look up, look down, look to the side), and didn't flinch when they put dye drops in her eyes to do the CSI light to look for scratches. I really don't think she was afraid at all.

So they found two scratches, one of which was about a 1/4 inch long, in her left eye. Hmmph. She doesn't have to be a pirate, but we have to put drops in her eye 4 times a day for 5 days. They hurt a bit when they first go in, so I'm sure she'll get sick of it. But I think we'll manage ok. The drops are to prevent infection while the eye heals, and the doc said these things usually heal pretty quickly. Phew.

The funny thing is, I felt bad for K.'s Mom. She was very concerned and got K. to apologize and explained to her how dangerous it was to poke people, etc., and she asked me several times if Lily was okay. I was of course concerned about Lily, but I didn't want to worry K.'s Mom. Isn't that odd? I just wanted to leave so I could get Lily in the car and then sit in the car and quietly call a triage nurse to ask if I should go to the ER. Which is exactly what I did.

Oh what a long day. I need to finish this tomorrow, but meanwhile I think Lily is okay.

Lookit ma belly!

And...action!

The Magic Word

Last night John was playing with Lily and one of her toys fell on the floor. She demanded he get it and in an effort to encourage manners (she's knows she is supposed to ask nicely and say "please"), he said, "What's the magic word?" With great confidence, she spoke up immediately: "Hocus Pocus!"

Oh my God, I laughed so hard! We had watched a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse edisode that afternoon in which Goofy is being a magician and he keeps forgetting the magic words. Well, Lily remembered!

Dahlink

Oh, she's just so cute! I think she was blowing spit bubbles here. She's standing on the swing in our front porch this morning, and we've taken a short break from making the cars and trains talk. Later they had a party with a piece of playdough cake that we made. Delish!

Mi Amigo

Lily is doing the talking for her toys more and more now, instead of asking Mommy or Daddy to always do it. And the talking toys are very polite. Cars will say to each other,

"What are you doing, my friend?"
"Come with me over here, my friend."
"Let's hide, my friend."

It's so cute, not just how they are all friends with each other, but how she has them address each other so sweetly like this. I almost wish our culture had this kind of polite address, the way more formal cultures do like in Mexico or Japan.

Goodnight, my friends. :)

Make it Talk!

Lily is going through a talking phase right now. Not that she's going to stop talking, but I mean all her toys are talking. And Mommy and Daddy have to make them talk. "Make it talk!" she'll insist. The cars and trains talk a lot. And now it's expanded to EVERYTHING. Not just the toys talk. Her tummy talks a lot:

"My tummy is saying 'I want a cookie!'"
"My tummy is saying 'Let's go to school!'"
"My tummy is saying 'I don't want a nap!'"

Her tummy talks about all sorts of things, the least of which might be food. And then she'll tell us to make her body parts talk. "Make it talk," she'll say, holding up a foot. But that's not all. When I give her two shirts to choose from, I have to shake them and make them say "Pick me! Pick me!" She loves that. The other day I was asked to make her bite of oatmeal talk. Of course, it said, "Eat me! Eat me!" It was like I was in Alice in Wonderland.

Butties

Lily was getting her diaper changed the other day and John said she was talking about her bottom, and called her two butt cheeks her "butties." I love these words she makes up.

Nice Kitty

Here's another great picture from the Zoo trip. It's a leopard. And it's...so close! No glass, just fences. And look at how gorgeous this cat is, that wonderfully long tail, and the regal stature. Wow. Lily was somewhat impressed.

"My Bed Needs Me!"

Lily likes to delay going to sleep at night by switching back and forth between "Baby's bed" and "Daddy's bed" (it's Daddy's because most of the time lately I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch with a headache). And there's a point where we say NO MORE SWITCHING.

So the other day Lily was going through this routine at naptime, and I told her that was it, she was stuck with Daddy's bed. She tried to wriggle away and I put my arm around her and tried to hold her. She was protesting loudly when she came up with her latest plea for pushing the rules: "My bed needs me!" I laughed so hard that I couldn't hold her, then she was laughing and her fit was over.

She did win. We went to Baby's bed. But she did go to sleep.

Lily at the Zoo

Lily sittin' on a tiger statue. We saw two tigers, walking around. It was wonderful weather that day, sunny and about 60 degrees. Although some animals were sleeping, a lot were active.

Here's Lily and a soft-shell turtle looking at each other. This turtle was really fun to watch. He hides under the sand and all you see is either his head or his tiny snout. Then when he comes out, it's like he appears out of nowhere. We got to see him come out and then bury himself again after swimming around. He was fascinating, and Lily enjoyed watching him. When the turtle looked at her, she said, "He likes me." I love it when she says that. It's so life-affirming, and it shows a confidence in herself that makes me happy.

Here's Lily looking into an exhibit with little turtles. I love how they made this rope mesh down low where the little kids could look through safely without having to be held up by a parent to see. This zoo is the best designed one I've seen for being inclusive of little kids.

Humper-Lumpers!

For Mother's Day, I decided I wanted to do something to celebrate being a Mom, to go have fun with my family. So we went to the Minnesota Zoo. We hadn't been there before, and it was fabulous, so much so that we bought a membership before we left.

Lily had a wonderful time, and I just drank it in, watching her having so much fun. She didn't really get bored for very long when we were moving from exhibit to exhibit, because they have so many play areas and little tunnels and caves and viewing spots that only little kids can get into. She was having such a good time that she started making up words and just playing with language. She was learning a lot of new words, like wolverine and lynx and takin, and although she already knew what a camel was, when we saw them, she happily renamed them: "They're humper-lumpers!" she said.

It was a highlight of the day. We love it when she makes up words, and this one's a keeper.

People Who Don't Have Kids

Argh! I am feeling pissy because of one of the above mentioned people. And plus I have a migraine. BUT! This in no way means that this person is not deserving of my mommy wrath.

I went to the post office, my little local neighborhood post office that my friend S. is always telling me is so great and they're nice to her and interested when she brings in mail gong interesting places and...they are never nice to me! I hate it. I am always nice, never in a hurry (which is good, since they seem to move like molasses), and yet.

So today I come in with Lily and while I'm getting postage on a couple things going to Japan, Lily finds a Mickey Mouse and Pluto mailer behind me on the wall, and brings it over to show me. Fine, nice. Then she brings an armful. Shit. So we bring them back to hang back up on the wall, only all the holes to hang them by are ripped. So I set them on the floor against the wall. Meanwhile the woman at the counter is saying, "Yeah, can you not have him do that [strike 1, you called my daughter a boy, although I don't know why this pisses me off so much, it just does]." Thanks for the suggestion. Then she wants me to hang them back up. I tell her I can't, that the holes are ripped. "Well, then he did it, because I just hung those up this morning." Super. So I ask, "Well, do I need to buy them?" I'm willing to do this if it's necessary. I take responsibility for my kid. "No," she grumbles. And can hardly talk to me in a civil manner the rest of the transaction.

Well, pissy pissy piss. While she was telling me to keep "him" from pulling down the envies from the wall, she says that the kids tend to rip the holes they hang by when they pull them down. Well, so, it's happened before. So maybe you should NOT hang them down there, huh? Did that ever fuckin' occur to ya? I mean, c'mon, it's low hanging fruit, and it's got fuckin' Disney characters on it! It's 2 feet off the floor. Of course the little kids are going to pull it down! Duh!

I was just fuming when I left, and had to consciously slow down, so I wouldn't take it out on Lily, who really had committed a minor infraction. It's not like they can't sell the stupid mailers now. They just can't hang them up on the wall. Well, cry me a river, lady. Get a plastic holder for them and hang that on the wall, like the other mailers. I know she probably talked about me after I left. Like I was such a bad mother. Meanwhile, I'm out in the rain, trying to strap HER into the car seat, and we're parked on the street and it's raining hard and the cars are zooming by and splashing me and Lily wants to play pretend driver. I'm patiently explaining that this is not a good time to play pretend driver.

I wish I had a nice post office to go to. And that people weren't such idiots. Wow, am I ever crabby.

"Can I Fit Through This Butthole?"

I thought that's what she said, but I thought I must be hearing her wrong, so I asked her "What did you say?" about three times. I didn't really want to repeat what I thought I heard and have her decide that although that's not what she said, my version was more fun.

But I finally had to say it, and sure enough, that's what she said. "What do you mean?" I asked, making an effort to control my face muscles so that I would not look horrified. Then she showed me.

We were sitting at the table and she was on a chair with a back that was open on the bottom half. She was on her knees on the chair, and wanted to know if I thought she could climb through the back, or butt hole. Phew! It's a pretty apt description, really. i mean, if someone is sitting in the chair, what do you see if you look through the back of the chair? A butt.

Sure enough, she fit through the butt hole.

(p.s. Think I could get Reader's Digest to pay me for this funny story? Heh.)

Hoppy Oppy Boppy!

That is one of Lily's favorite sound combinations right now. She's a singin' toddler. She loves to sing right now, and she'll make something up, just a couple words or even nonsense words like her favorites, and she'll say, "That's my best song." John told me she was singing to one of her stuffed animals and told it "I'm singing you my best song."

I love this marvelous, simple joy. She'll ask us to sing with her sometimes, and when I do, I realize and remember the joy of just making something up to sing (I was a notorious late-night singer, according to my older sister whose bedroom was next to mine) and it didn't have to be complicated or make sense or mean anything, it just had to please me with its sounds.

It also reminds me of one of the Basilica's mottoes, "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord." I know it's called something else besides a motto, but it comes up all the time in bulletins, reminding people why we sing so much in church.

We take Lily to Mass almost every Sunday, and she likes it. She's usually interested in the music, and I think she enjoys seeing (and hearing) Mommy and Daddy sing. I mean, we sing to her all the time, but then she sees us singing at church and it just reinforces how it's a normal, joyful part of our lives, to sing. It's one of the main reasons I love church so much--the singing. And why I love this particular church. We'll sing a lot of things that other churches would just say, and I think it's so much more beautiful to sing it.

Lily's joyful little snippets sometime reminds me of these short bits that we sing in Mass, like we'll sing after each petition, "Lord hear our prayer" or "Thanks be to God" (sometimes in Latin) after each reading. Lily sings "Cocoa's happy" and "And Mommy and Daddy and Baby and Cocoa."