I look like a little baker in my hat

doesn't she? I think so. I'm ready for the doughnuts, baby.

So I haven't written much lately. We were gone for Christmas, which was really nice, spending it with my family, which I haven't been able to do in years, and this was Lily's first Christmas so it was very special. Then we came back home and it's crappy weather here, not just cold, but getting over freezing and melting and refreezing, kind of like my most unfavorite month here, March. I'd rather it was 0 degrees right now than 40. It's hard getting out with Lily on my own, although John seems to do it pretty well when he takes her somewhere by himself. Maybe it's just because I'm getting a cold that everything feels like so much effort right now. I know I've been holing (is that a word?) up in the house too much lately, that I need to get out more or depression will suck me down, especially in these dark winter months. But now I'm sick so I have to stay home and rest. Blah.

Today John went over to see Carrie K. and her new baby Kyle who was born right before we left on vacation, so he's a month old already and I haven't been over to see her or him. She is such a good friend, she says she's coming over to see me soon.

Maybe it's the pumping, too. Just a few days ago I was telling John that I'm proud of myself for making it this far--almost 7 months--with the breast milk, that I really didn't know at the beginning if I could make it to 6 months. So I've done well. But when do I get to stop? It's something to start considering, I think. I'll talk to the doctor at Lily's next appointment and see what she thinks. I'm sure the lactation consultants would have me go for three years if they had their way!! But pumping the breast milk is another thing that makes it hard to go out and do anything for several hours, because I get uncomfortable (i.e., pain) if I don't pump regularly. It's one thing to sleep overnight and not pump for 8 hours, but if I'm awake and do that, it really hurts! So I try to do it every 4 or 5 hours, and when I want to go out and do something, I have to time it just right unless I want to bring the pump with me, which I can do but don't really want to when I'm by myself or just with Lily. So it's something I'm always conscious of, my breasts and how full they're getting. I haven't really breastfed Lily in a while, the bottles are just easier. Which I'm fine with, but I'm still pumping. It's so unromantic, so unglamorous, and my whole body just gets so worn out from the constant milking. Am I allowed to say this? I don't want John even touching me after I've pumped (or before) because I'm so sore. Which sucks. Haha I guess that was sort of a pun. Yeah, don't make me explain it or I'll have to slap you. Mommy crabby.